I’m suffering from what feels like a lack of time.
It’s taking me more than two weeks to finish reading a book, and I haven’t exercised in I don’t know how long. I keep saying I’m going to work on my Etsy store, add new items and work on Instagram, and then I don’t find the time to do so and push it off to the next week, every single week.
I want to read more books, listen to more podcasts, spend more time binge watching television shows that everyone’s talking about. I want to comment on other people’s blogs and be active on Instagram on all three of my accounts (I am slightly embarrassed that I have three).
I don’t know what the point I’m making today is, honestly. I’m just trying to say that I’m tired, I feel like I’m constantly working, and yet I’m still not getting everything done that I want to.
I really want to do book reviews more often on this blog. When I first started them, it was supposed to be a bi-monthly occurrence, at the very least. It was my goal to eventually start posting them at least every Friday, and more often if I was reading quicker, and somehow instead I’ve started posting them about once a month.
I do have a plan. To try to get back on track in April, I’m going to set myself a goal of reading at least 50 pages of my current read every single day. That puts me at finishing a 350 page book in a week, which would make me feel pretty satisfied right now.
I keep thinking of all these examples of people who did amazing things while having very little time. Like JK Rowling, who was a single mother and broke when she wrote Harry Potter. Or every writer ever who wrote a novel while working a full time job. Or all of these people.
I lost 40 hours of my week when I started working full time again in February, and I’m incredibly grateful to have a paycheck again, don’t get me wrong. But it’s been difficult to squeeze everything in having lost that much time. And when I look at all these people who were successful even though they lived regular lives, sometimes I feel defeated.
I guess what I’m getting on the blog to say today is that it’s okay to talk about the crappy stuff. I don’t feel particularly inspiring this week — I just feel like I’m barely getting everything done. But I’m still at the library after an 8 hour day of work, and I’m still typing this blog. I’m still here. I’m still here.
I think (I hope) that showing up is half the battle. I vow to keep showing up to this space, to keep showing up to my novel (which I need to start editing this month), to keep showing up to all of the creative projects that I’ve started.
One day, this will be my job. All of this creativity. I am confident in that. But for now, I just need to show up and do as much as I can.
I hope that you find the strength to show up this week, too. And if you just can’t, don’t make yourself feel bad about it. There’s next week, there’s next month, there’s next year. Just know that not everything has to happen rightthissecond. That’s the reminder I have to give myself every single day.
Mary E. Nolte 